


not the hero(everyone wants)

by Alaskaa (kosmicdust)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha Shiro (Voltron), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Extremely Dubious Consent, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith is Not Okay, M/M, Omega Keith (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 02, Unhealthy Relationships, hi hey yeah sorry: why??, implied keith/others
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-06-06 22:04:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15204434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosmicdust/pseuds/Alaskaa
Summary: keithisn't okaykeithhas never been okaySHIROmade it okayright?after all,keith was thereso SHIRO was happyand SHIROkept him safeloved himloved himloved himright?





	1. keith-Keith

**Author's Note:**

> takes place pretty much right after the season 2 finale  
> I think that's all you need to know?  
> it's kinda hard to understand, maybe?? I kinda wrote this randomly like "oh that's a great idea let's do that!" so it might be a bit all over the place
> 
> alright, enjoy

keith

should have been sad

when SHIRO vanished.

 

keith

should have been sad

that his mate

could be dead.

 

keith.

keith should not

be happy that SHIRO is gone.

 

…

 

SHIRO

disappeared

after the battle.

The Black Lion

was empty.

Voltron

was devastated.

 

Was

_ keith _

devastated?

No.

keith

was not

devastated.

 

…

 

“You

must be so sad

that your mate is gone.”

“He’s your alpha;

how are you doing it?”

“keith-

he’ll be back.”

 

SHIRO

shouldn’t

come

back.

 

Why shouldn’t

SHIRO

come back?

SHIRO

was the perfect alpha.

SHIRO

was everything an omega could dream of.

SHIRO

was a good leader and Black Paladin.

SHIRO

was the hero of this story.

 

keith

was not

the “hero”.

keith

was nothing.

keith

belonged to the hero.

 

He was expected to love SHIRO.

He was expected to give SHIRO his everything.

Why shouldn’t he?

SHIRO deserves it.

“He leads Voltron,

he’s saved the universe

dozens of times,

the least you could do

is love him with all of

you.”

You.

 

What about keith?

Right hand man.

Paladin of Voltron.

Saved the universe alongside SHIRO.

SHIRO.

That was the problem.

Not just keith.

keith and SHIRO

SHIRO and keith.

 

keith didn’t want SHIRO to come home.

he loved SHIRO

he really did love SHIRO

it wasn’t fake

it wasn’t a lie

he wasn’t an omega slut

looking for a home

keith was real.

Everything

was

real.

 

But SHIRO shouldn’t

come

home.

keith

wants to be more than

SHIRO’s bitch

keith

wants to be more than

the Black Paladin’s omega

keith

doesn’t want to be SHIRO’s

not anymore

he wants to be

_ himself _ .

 

…

 

Sometimes

the others

didn’t understand

“Don’t you love him?”

“Don’t you miss him?”

“Don’t you need him?”

each one that spoke

becoming more difficult to ignore than the others.

But

keith

_ didn’t need SHIRO _ .

He doesn’t.

keith is not SHIRO’S.

 

…

 

He tried the

Blade of Marmora

but they were no help.

They understood.

They had a similar system.

but none of them were omegas

they might have omegas

some omegas might even fight

but none of them

were

_ alone _ .

Not like keith.

keith

was alone

in a way that they couldn’t understand

because

keith

_ wants to be alone. _

 

…

 

“keith?

you

need

to

eat.”

 

“keith?

you

shouldn’t

be

fighting

during

your

heat.”

 

“keith?

SHIRO

wouldn’t

want

you

to

_ hurt _

_ yourself _ .”

 

they don’t know.

they don’t know anything at all.

keith is more than that

he has to be

has to be

right?

 

…

 

He doesn’t know where he is anymore

it’s like

he has no purpose

_ where’s SHIRO? _

_ he’s probably had a long day _

_ needs to relieve some tension _

_ he can’t keep _

_ training _

spreading his legs

is no longer the best answer

it’s not even an option

not anymore

 

…

 

“We need a new

Black Paladin.”

 

Is this it?

is this

keith’s opportunity?

can he

finally become

Keith?

can he really replace SHIRO?

can everything be okay

in a way it never was?

 

he doesn’t know

he never knows anything

because he’s just

a stupid omega

who has no right to be in Voltron

and that’s why

keith goes last

it’s his dream-

he  _ wants _

to be the Black Paladin

more than anything

keith has ever wanted.

 

the Black Lion

rejects them

one

after

another.

Allura

Pidge

Hunk

Lance

keith almost wishes

that it was Lance

if it was Lance

he could stay keith

nothing could change

he would just wait

patiently

for SHIRO

to come home.

 

“keith, she hasn’t responded

to any of us

you have to go.”

 

so keith

steps into the cockpit

silently

not wanting to disturb

what if SHIRO came back?

what if SHIRO was mad?

would he be mad

that keith was trying to be

_ better _

than what he was?

SHIRO

_ liked _ keith

just how he was

quiet

submissive

pliant

happy to go along

with anything SHIRO wanted

 

“Come on,

keith,

you have to try.”

 

try?

to be what?

Keith?

 

So

he sits down in the chair

closes his eyes

simultaneously

begging for it not to be him

apologizing to SHIRO for ruining things

praying to whatever god that’s out there

that

it’s

keith.

when the lights flicker

and the purple-tinted display appears

keith doesn’t know what to feel

happy?

angry?

shameful?

should he be shameful?

he’s not being a proper omega

he’s not being obedient

SHIRO wouldn’t want this

SHIRO wants him to be keith-

 

“Congratulations

keith,

you’re our new

Black Paladin.”

 

except

maybe

just

maybe

they didn’t say keith.

they said Keith.

because he’s someone

he’s valid

he’s more than SHIRO’S

SHIRO’S omega.

 

…

 

being

The Leader

was harder than keith thought.

despite everything he told himself,

all of those lies

claiming he was not keith

claiming he was Keith,

he was not Keith.

the others were

happy

for him

they

were  _ okay _

with keith being

The Leader

why?

a dark part of keith

told himself

that it was because they were

humoring him.

maybe it was

amusing

to see an omega trying to be

The Leader.

but he also caught those

soft

sympathetic

looks that told him

it was

pity

fondness

genuine belief.

 

the rest of Voltron

wouldn’t listen to him

at first.

they  _ knew _ SHIRO

and keith was not SHIRO

keith knew all too well

that he

wasn’t SHIRO

and never would be

but eventually

he discovered

that he couldn’t be so

_ aggressive _

which was almost hilarious

why?

because he was an  _ omega _

trying not to be an  _ omega _

and omegas were the furthest thing

from being aggressive.

 

Prince Lotor

was a new threat

that none of them really

understood.

who was he?

what was he trying to do?

when had he gotten power?

where was his base?

why couldn’t they understand anything?

SHIRO would know.

SHIRO knew everything.

SHIRO would know that keith

failed.

 

But

was it possible

that SHIRO

didn’t know everything?

because

_ keith _

amounted to something after all

he was

The new Black Paladin

The new Leader of Voltron

and that was it.

not

_ omega _

not

_ the Black Paladin’s mate _

not

_ Voltron’s bitch _

because

_ keith _

wasn’t

SHIRO’S

anymore

 

keith became someone new

he dropped

what he used to be

he lost

the old titles

he tried to forget

who he was to the universe

and he became

Keith.

because Keith

was stronger

better

independent.

the only thing

Keith was missing

was

_ happiness _ .

an omega

will tear themselves apart

without their alpha

Keith isn’t like that

he has more

important

things to do than

bed someone who would always think

that Keith was less.

was Keith less?

maybe.

but that didn’t give

anyone the right

to think so.

 

…

 

when Keith’s next heat started,

he left the Castleship.

none of them

knew where he went

but they could guess,

because he came back

a week later

covered in the scent

of others.

where had he gone?

Keith had traveled to

the nearest city planet,

found the whorehouse,

gave himself out

in exchange for

birth control

rather than money.

 

it was

at a rare point of clarity,

where the fog of heat cleared,

that Keith realized

while staring up at a stranger

that maybe

he couldn’t ever be

keith

never again.

not after this.

 

…

 

and so Keith was

free

in a way

that he had never really

understood.

SHIRO

was still

SHIRO

in his mind

but SHIRO

was gone.

and he wasn’t coming back.

and Keith

was  _ okay with this _ .

 

…

 

nearly two years later,

Voltron raided Central Command

intending to

attack the Emperor

at best,

weaken the Galra

at worst.

they never found Zarkon,

Zarkon was absent,

but Keith found himself

sprinting down

long

spiraling

hallways

that, every time,

only served to remind him

of the first time he saw them.

 

_ “Patience yields focus!” _

 

SHIRO

SHIRO

SHIRO

SHIRO

SHIRO

 

was Keith

imagining it?

the

familiar shock

of white hair on black,

now long

and

unruly.

the familiar scarred face,

that had loomed over Keith’s own

no matter where

he hid.

pale skin

that screamed

“human!”

even though

Earth had never

been attacked.

a rough,

grating voice

that was so

_ wrong _

that couldn’t possibly

match the one

that whispered soft yet aggressive promises

in Keith’s ear.

the person

that was

indisputably

doubtlessly

unarguably

undoubtedly

unquestionably

undeniably

SHIRO

 

SHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIROSHIRO

 

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

 

Keith

couldn’t give this up yet

he couldn’t

become keith

not again

this was

too important

too precious

SHIRO couldn’t take away

the one thing Keith had left

he couldn’t

he couldn’t

no

this wasn’t real

it was all in his imagination

it was fake

false

wrong

a hallucination

that had to be it

right?

he had been

without SHIRO

for too long.

but clearly

not for long enough

if Keith wanted

to turn away

run

scream

hide

hide from the awful truth

of this situation.

 

“Keith?”

 

it was real

it was real

it wasn’t made up

no

it had to be

right?

Keith

_ needed this _

he could already feel himself

fade away

lose his defensive stance

drop his weapon

close his eyes

fall to his knees

beg

because what else could he do?

 

“Please, please, please be fake, no I can’t- I can’t go back to what it was, Shiro, I can’t-”

 

whispers.

all around him.

 

“Is he okay?”

 

“Is that the Black Paladin?”

 

“What’s he doing?”

 

but then

there was

SHIRO

staring at him

so confused

so

not sure

 

“Keith, what’s going on? Are you going to free us? Keith?”

 

except

it wasn’t Keith

and it wasn’t Shiro

it was keith and SHIRO

SHIRO and keith

because keith was nothing

and SHIRO was everything

and the world was

falling apart

piece

by

piece

 

…

 


	2. SHIRO-SHIRO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because there was never  
> really  
> Shiro  
> not really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops how did I end up with sixteen more pages of this trash??

for a while

he forgot

about…

 

everything.

 

the world was

cold

and dark

and

so

so

silent,

but maybe

that was what

he needed?

 

he forgot about

Keith and keith

and SHIRO

and his team

and the Black Lion

and the Galra

and alphas and omegas

because…

what did it

_ matter? _

everything was

peaceful

in his quiet

lonely

universe.

 

but,

of course,

it can’t last forever.

quiet memories

began imploding

in his head

filled with thoughts of

everything

that he had forgotten

because

what good was he,

if nobody found entertainment

in him?

 

then suddenly

the world tilts

warmth rushes through his veins

and that serene silence

is gone,

replaced with

too-loud words

and light

and everything

he doesn’t want to

feel.

 

light floods his vision

and then

he’s falling forward

forward

before someone catches him.

 

the entire team

must have been there,

in that room.

it could have been

_ any _

of them

and he would have been okay

(he didn’t want to think about his name right now)

but no,

the arms that catch him

are strong

familiar

and brought back emotions

that he didn’t want

to feel.

 

“keith! You’re okay!”

 

any time

SHIRO said his name,

it was  _ always _

keith

because he was  _ always _

less.

it didn’t matter

what the context was

if he was intentionally

being SHIRO’s omega

or if he was

trying to not be

just SHIRO’s omega.

 

SHIRO’s arms

wrapped around his waist

with a smile on the alpha’s face

that

_ shouldn’t _

be there,

because why was

SHIRO

allowed to be happy

when the world was falling

  
  
  


down?

 

“H-hey.”

it was a whisper.

one that

Keith

would have been too strong for.

but keith was not that strong.

“SH-SHIRO…”

 

despite how loud

SHIRO

sounded in his mind,

demanding

attention and

affection and

everything

a proper omega

would give without a word,

whenever he said

SHIRO

aloud,

it was always

a whisper.

 

“keith, I’m so glad you’re okay, I never would have forgiven myself if you were seriously hurt while rescuing me.”

 

if it had been

up to keith

(because there was no way he could be Keith)

he never

would have rescued

SHIRO.

SHIRO

didn’t belong there

he didn’t have

a place

in front of keith

not anymore

right?

because

even if he was keith

again

after his promise to himself

months ago

when he became Keith,

he could never

be

the same

keith

after what had

happened.

 

the others

must have sensed

the tension

in the air-

or maybe keith’s

scent was telling them:

“go, this is

a distressed omega

who needs to kick some ass”

probably not

because that wasn’t

an omega’s purpose

was it?

it was

to find an alpha

let themselves be bred

sleep in another’s bed,

because what was an omega,

after all?

nothing.

absolutely nothing.

 

“keith? What’s wrong?”

 

SHIRO

didn’t deserve

that voice.

that

soft

kind

loving

voice

that had destroyed keith

all those years ago.

because SHIRO

wasn’t good enough

not after

everything.

 

“SH-SHIRO, listen…”

 

looking away

to avoid

the Problem

sometimes worked

but not

this time.

SHIRO

wouldn’t let him go

so easily

not after

ripping keith from

that perfect life

the one

without

SHIRO

 

“Did something happen while I was gone? Did someone hurt you?”

 

yes.

SHIRO

hurt keith.

but he

didn’t say that.

because

what would that do?

SHIRO would

act nice

treat him well

not demand anything

for a while

before falling into

that same rhythm

where

keith

was

nothing.

 

why not end it all

early?

 

“Honestly, it’s nothing, SHIRO.”

 

a bright

fake

smile

that didn’t bring keith

any joy.

not in the slightest.

 

“I was just… so shocked to see you there, I guess. Thought you were dead.”

 

it wasn’t

totally

a lie.

just

left out

some parts.

a lot

of important

parts.

 

“Okay, that’s good…”

 

SHIRO

tried for a

tentative

smile

but the gesture

was soured

by the desperate

_ hunger _

in the alpha’s eyes.

hunger

for keith.

 

“It’s… it’s been a long time. And… I’ve been holding out for you…?”

 

keith knew

what SHIRO

was trying to ask for.

it was all

SHIRO

ever asked for.

a nice

pretty

gentle

submissive

omega

_ bitch. _

 

so SHIRO

got

a nice

pretty

gentle

submissive

omega

bitch.

 

it was easy,

to silently

tilt his head up,

pretend he

wanted it,

and get

what SHIRO

deserved.

did SHIRO

deserve it?

all of keith’s

hard work

for the past

_ two years _

crumpled

just at the

sight

of his mate.

his alpha.

SHIRO.

 

Keith

was

gone.

 

…

 

could SHIRO tell

that keith

hadn’t stayed

faithful?

it was

easy enough,

to let SHIRO

push him onto the bed

once they got back

to keith’s room-

no.

it was SHIRO’s

room,

really.

it was originally

SHIRO’s

before keith

moved in.

keith had

just been living with it.

two years.

that was a long time,

wasn’t it?

he could tell from

SHIRO’s desperate movements,

like he was

about to lose keith

again.

 

“You’re so beautiful, keith. I’ve missed you so, so much.”

 

the words could have

meant something

if they hadn’t come out

as a soft gasp,

and SHIRO

wasn’t about to

fuck him.

 

keith pretended

that he wasn’t just

blatantly ignoring

SHIRO’s words,

instead just letting

out quiet whimpers.

were they

real?

keith didn’t

really know.

keith didn’t

really know

anything

anymore.

 

…

 

in the past,

before keith realized

that he was selling

himself for SHIRO’s affections,

he liked to

bury his face in SHIRO’s chest,

bask in the warmth of

his afterglow

and SHIRO’s arms.

that was before

keith realized

that he was keith

and his mate was

SHIRO.

 

after everything

that keith has been through,

all he wants to do

is tear away

from SHIRO’s strong

grip

and scrub his skin raw

in the shower

to try and

escape that feeling.

that feeling

of SHIRO’s hands

on him

burning him.

ruining him.

keith felt

_ dirty _

in a way

that he hadn’t felt

whenever he

traveled to that

_ whorehouse _

during his heat.

young keith

would have found it

appalling

that current keith

would rather be prostituting

himself

than sleep with his

mate.

 

what would SHIRO

do now?

would he

take over from

keith?

did keith even

have a place

in Team Voltron

anymore?

would he really

just

be

SHIRO’s mate?

SHIRO’s omega bitch?

SHIRO’s?

without a purpose

no longer fighting the war

no longer saving the universe

it was

sickening

to think about

that everyone was

_ okay _

with keith

throwing out everything

he’d done in

the past two years

just because

SHIRO

came back.

why was that

okay?

what part of that

was fair,

or just?

weren’t they

defenders of the universe?

how could they

save the entire

universe

if no one could save keith?

 

he desperately wanted

to at least

roll over

and breathe something in

other than

SHIRO’s scent

but that was something

keith had never done before

and he didn’t

want to get into an

argument

with SHIRO.

the least

keith could do

was pretend he was okay.

SHIRO had suffered

a thousand times more

at the hands of

the Galra

than keith

ever would.

 

at the thought of

the Galra,

keith paused.

would it

ruin SHIRO

if he joined the

Blade of Marmora

full-time?

leave… the castleship?

because keith

couldn’t sit around

with the thought

that he would probably

end up being

nothing more than

some whore

that lived with Voltron

because…

keith was

_ better than that. _

right?

he had to be.

keith hadn’t spent

past five years of his life

doing nothing.

 

keith was so glad

that Earth wasn’t

advanced enough

to contact the

Castle of Lions.

he didn’t think

he could bear

all of his old classmates

and foster parents

and strangers who had no

right to judge him

staring at him

with the knowledge

that keith

was less than nothing

he couldn’t bear

the humiliation

of standing by

SHIRO’s side

letting his mate

hold his hand tightly

declaring to the world

that keith

was

SHIRO’s.

and

nothing more.

 

…

 

the next morning,

keith woke

to knocking on the door.

 

“Come in!”

 

SHIRO answered

without keith’s input,

his voice

still rough

from sleep.

 

keith was

_ definitively not _

okay with someone

walking into his-

SHIRO’s-

room

while he was

like this.

naked and a mess and curled on top of SHIRO

like

like

like an omega.

why was that okay?

keith wished

he lived in a society

where it wasn’t okay

for other people to

_ look _

at you

when you didn’t

want them to.

where people

respected you

no matter what

you were.

 

“Oh-”

 

Lance’s voice

falters

as he sees

keith attempting

to get off of SHIRO

while pulling the sheets up

to his chest

to try and cover himself.

of course,

SHIRO’s hands

grip keith’s hip

tightly

the way he did

the night before

the way

so many other people have

strangers whose names

keith doesn’t know

nor does he care to know.

SHIRO prevents keith

from rolling off of him,

so keith

awkwardly turns his head

to try and see Lance.

 

“What’s up?”

 

SHIRO asks it

so casually

like this is the most

normal thing

in the world

to wake up to.

 

Lance,

meanwhile,

is frowning at keith

with a soft,

confused,

expression.

he glances between

SHIRO

and

keith

before delivering his message.

 

“Just wanted to say that Allura wants to go over mission details.”

 

what was

Lance’s

weird look for?

it wasn’t like

he had never woken

up SHIRO and keith

before SHIRO vanished.

 

“Sure.”

 

SHIRO

shouldn’t get

to say that

so casually,

so nonchalantly,

like it barely matters.

keith would do

anything in the universe

to be able to have

a conversation like that

where people are talking to him

as

“The Leader”

not as keith

not as SHIRO’s

just

Keith.

The Leader.

someone who

_ matters. _

unlike

keith.

 

Lance

nods nervously

narrows his eyes at

SHIRO

ever-so-slightly

then walks back out

the door.

it slides shut

behind him.

 

keith

lets out

a quiet sigh.

SHIRO’s response

is to only tighten his grip

on keith’s hips.

keith just

wants to get out of this bed

out of the memories

away from

SHIRO.

 

“Do you think we could get away with doing something quick before we have to go to Allura’s meeting?”

 

it’s not

a

question.

SHIRO’s only

pretending.

keith knows what

SHIRO wants.

so he carefully pries

SHIRO’s hands off him

and slides off the bed

onto his knees

and takes

what SHIRO

gives him.

because

what else

can keith do?

 

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woww  
> i got that done  
> a whole lot faster  
> that i thought i would  
> cool  
> i guess.
> 
> hope you enjoyed??  
> i might end it next chapter? that's probably what will happen


	3. keith-S̶H̶I̶R̶O̶

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe  
> keith  
> doesn't  
> need  
> SHIRO?

keith and SHIRO

SHIRO and keith

Keith and Shiro?

Shiro and Keith?

keith.

shiro.

shiro.

keith.

 

keith

hated

how easy it was

to let SHIRO take everything from him

 

keith

hated

that no one

seemed to care.

 

the team is on the bridge

debriefing their latest mission

the mission to defeat zarkon

because what else would they do?

the mission where they found

SHIRO.

 

keith had been

absolutely useless

on that mission

having fell to his knees

and begged

the moment he saw SHIRO

the moment his world shattered

the moment he realized that Keith would

never

be

real.

 

so they were asking SHIRO

questions that they would have

asked keith

and why wouldn’t they?

SHIRO had been the

competent one

on that mission

SHIRO had been the

Leader

before keith.

 

keith

kept his mouth shut

keith

pretended it didn’t bother him

keith

swallowed down his emotion

and tried to remember what

day it was.

 

SHIRO

would want to know

when his next heat was.

 

“keith?”

 

what?

someone actually wants

to talk

to him

now?

after throwing him

away for SHIRO

in a matter of minutes?

 

he looked over

at Hunk

who looked as

concerned

and

precious

as ever.

 

“Can we, um… talk to you for a minute?”

 

why not?

so he shrugged

and followed Hunk

to the kitchen

where he sat down

alongside Pidge and Lance.

 

SHIRO was nowhere in sight.

 

“Hey man, we noticed you kinda looking down, and you didn’t look too good when I saw you and Shiro this morning.”

 

of course

when anyone else

said “SHIRO”

they didn’t have

that same pain

in their voices

as keith did.

 

“I’m… I’m fine. Really. It’s just… really weird. To have SHIRO back.”

 

Pidge looked at him

with a frown on her face

and she had a

suspicious glint

in her eyes

when she pushed up her glasses

and studied his expression.

 

“Are you going to step down, now that Shiro’s back?”

 

this was it

this was

the question

that everyone wanted

an answer to

an answer

that keith knew

but didn’t want to

accept

 

he wanted to

go back

to the days

when they

needed

Keith

when

keith

would have been

completely useless

but with SHIRO

what was

the point

of Keith?

 

so

he took

a deep breath

and said

 

“Yeah. I… I’m thinking of leaving.”

 

“Leaving Voltron?”

“Leaving Shiro?”

“Leaving us?”

 

he looked at them

for a minute

trying to figure out

if they were

serious

 

“You don’t need me. You have SHIRO. He’s stronger than keith kogane could ever be.”

 

they all

stared at

him.

 

“Where would you go?”

 

Hunk’s wide eyes

Lance’s shocked expression

Pidge’s skeptical face

 

and he didn’t bother lying anymore.

 

“Maybe I’ll go to the Blade of Marmora? Or maybe I’ll just run back off to that whorehouse and stay there? I don’t know, I’ll go  _ anywhere,  _ it doesn’t matter  _ where, _ as long as I’m away from SHIRO!”

 

and for once

SHIRO’s name

wasn’t a whisper

it was a scream

it was a cry

it was something

to make someone

anyone

realize

that keith wasn’t

okay

he had never been

okay

and he probably never would be.

 

“You… don’t love Shiro? But… he’s your mate!”

 

“I can’t do it anymore, okay? I was finally okay until SHIRO just decided he could come back into my life and… and take away everything I’ve done for the past two years! I have to be worth more than what I am to SHIRO, right? I have to be more than keith… right? I can be Keith again… it wasn’t a lie…”

 

by the end of his rant

keith was on the floor

knees pulled up to chest

head buried so none of them could

see his face

 

“keith? Buddy? Are you okay? What do you mean?”

 

“Is he abusing you in some way? What’s going on with you?”

 

“Can we help you? Is… is there any way we can fix this? Whatever this is?”

 

“The only way I could be okay again is if SHIRO was gone… and you need him… and now that he’s back, there’s no use for me anymore, right?”

 

he looked up at them

at their

concerned

faces

and wondered

why the hell

they even bothered.

 

“I just… want to be Keith again…”

 

they all

exchanged glances

and keith thought

about what

it would be like

if they told SHIRO

if he told SHIRO

about any of his

problems.

 

“Listen, buddy, we’ll try to… figure this out, okay? Don’t go anywhere. We need you.”

 

_ we need you _

 

for what?

to relieve SHIRO’s

stress

and

tension

so that he would be happy?

so that he

wouldn’t take it out

on the team

or mess up in battle?

they all knew

that keith

would never touch

the controls

of a lion

ever again

even if he

liked to think

that he was a better paladin

than the others

especially allura

since she could always

fall back on her original duty

whereas

keith

had

nothing

but at least

he always had

a nice

soft

bed he could

fall back on

spread his legs

and do nothing

but make

SHIRO

happy.

 

they

didn’t

need

him.

 

…

 

that night

after letting

SHIRO fuck him

to his heart’s content

keith

escaped from SHIRO’s arms

hastily put on some clothing

snuck out of their room

crept down to the hangar

looked at Red and Black for a moment

said goodbye

kept walking

walked down to the pods

started a pod

jumped into a pod

even though his ass hurt

took a second to think about it

decided

exited the docking bay

smiled for the first time in a while

took hold of the controls

fired up the engines

left the Castle of Lions behind

didn’t look back

and hoped he would wander the universe

for as long as it took

to become Keith again.

 

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter and then this will be over  
> sorry for never updating lmao  
> i swear i'll try to finish this

**Author's Note:**

> the next chapter will maybe be up in a week? i've got no idea where this is going so i might have more than two total chapters  
> or maybe not!  
> who knows  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
